it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need to calm my uterus...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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