God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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