TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
