My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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