maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
