You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
