I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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