Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
