I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
