Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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