I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
