hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
