for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
