Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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