Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
