Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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