I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
