He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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