Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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