Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
