What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
