she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
