GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
