On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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