we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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