Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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