in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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