meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
