woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
