I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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