Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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