dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
