genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
