so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
