I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this boner is exhausting
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My vagina is officially offended.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
