I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
