Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
