The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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