Pappa wants mamma naked
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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