We named our party play list daddy issues
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
