Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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