omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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