please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
