Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
