Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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