If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
