But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
