sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
