Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
