ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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