I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
